


Who Lives

by troubleinmind



Series: You have no control [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Gen, sort of, spoilers for episode 88
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 01:45:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10063649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troubleinmind/pseuds/troubleinmind
Summary: What do you do when the rest of your party and the love of your life get eaten by a Kraken and you can't save them?Basically Liam made a joke about it during the broadcast and my brain went "OH MAN WHAT IF??" So here is an "everybody except Percy got eaten by the Kraken" AU





	

Every night he dreams of water.

There was a time when his nightmares had been fire. Dark smoke, blood, the painful gnawing devouring feeling that hovered in the back of his mind. Those memories still haunt him in the daylight but now his dreams are always filled with water, and somehow it is so much worse. 

It is perversely peaceful. The dim, soft light has a glimmering quality and it is so quiet. There is nothing but the stillness, and the darkness, and the pressure of the deep, holding him fast, silencing his guns. There is nothing he can do but watch. He cannot hear them screaming. He does not hear them die.

He sleeps in his workshop. The smell of gunpowder and a hard wooden bench keep him company. He has not slept in his own bed since before Thordak died and he cannot go back to it now.

His guns are in perfect condition, though he has not shot them at a living target in years.

His days belong to Cassandra, and to Whitestone. Letters and accounts are as dull as he could possibly imagine, but his people are prospering and he has no head or heart for politics these days. He is useful as Cassandra’s deputy, and she has proven an exceptionally skillful negotiator for their city. They do not entertain any diplomats from Syngorn, though they have had a new ambassador for years now, and he is grateful for this. He is even more grateful that Cassandra has never asked him to marry. She herself will soon, once a suitable match can be found, and he will happily play uncle to her children. He is far too broken to ever be a husband to anyone.

Instead he will be husband to this city. It was his birthright. It is the greatest gift he has ever been given. It should have been the greatest gift he had in his power to give. When he remembers love he remembers it feels like his city. He will see it grow, build wonders and clever toys for it, fill it with the wealth and treasures of the world. He will see it defended, and if he cannot sleep from nightmares he is at least empowered to unleash them on those who would threaten his home and his heart. He builds weapons to break the world and buries them deep, a private hell that is his to call on as needed. There are none now living who could threaten this city. While he lives there never will be.

These are the ways he lives, as a clerk, a scholar, and a monster when he needs to be. He grows the library, patronizes shops, supervises trade. He will live as long as he once told Keyleth he might,in the heart and memory of a city that is now the largest and strongest on the continent. He stands among mountains, and his gaze travels the miles over the valleys and plains of Tal'Dorei. He does not travel. He avoids the ocean.

And every night he dreams of water.


End file.
